Last week, I decided to take on the Orange Rhino challenge in an attempt to stop yelling at my toddler. You can read more about it HERE.
How's the "no yelling" thing been going so far? Surprisingly well actually. I haven't yelled all week. Sure, I've raised my voice a bit but it's only been high enough to get my toddler's attention when he is doing something particularly dangerous (like using his baby sister as a chair).
And I have my parenting mantras to thank. I started 2017 by deciding to be a more gentle, intentional parent. As part of this process I came up with some mantras to remind myself of the sort of parent I would like to be. The moment I read them, my urge to yell vanishes or atleast reduces enough that I can control it.
The first is "This is not an emergency."
I say this out loud, sing it, whisper it, write it down every time I feel like I want to yell or worse still, raise my hand on my kids. Spilled milk? Pee on the floor? Skipped meal? Toddler woke baby up? So what?! While these things are annoying, none of this is as big a deal as it seems in the moment. So this mantra helps me step back and analyse the situation which helps me calm down and respond appropriately.
Second is "I take a deep breath before I respond to Krishna and Ira."
Similar to the previous one but works in more dire situations as well that involve hitting or big tantrums for example. It presses all my buttons when my toddler hits my baby or both of them are crying hysterically. All I want to do is scream loud enough to stun them into silence and compliant behaviour. Taking that deep breath reminds me that this isn't right at all, that short term obedience and fear based discipline methods can cause long term damage. And most importantly that my kids are just being kids and that I need to show them how to calm down and to stop their undesirable behaviour and that won't happen if I'm yelling up a storm.
I have both these mantras on my phone as the wallpaper so I'm constantly reminded of them.
This doesn't mean I will never yell again. I know I will slip up. It's not easy to reverse a habit like yelling. But this is a good start and I'm confident that I will see progress at the end of my 30 days of no yelling and that's what counts.
What helps you to not yell at your kids? Leave me a comment and let me know!
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